....we were celebrating my dad's birthday and the fact the leukemia was in remission. We had no idea it would be the last one we got to celebrate with him. Today is his birthday again and it's his 2nd one to spend in heaven.. It's still so hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that he's gone. There are some days I grab my phone to call him before I stop and remember he won't answer. I miss him! I thought it would get easier over time and in some ways it has.....I enjoy my days with my kids and husband and am thankful for the things God has blessed us with, so I am having way more good days than bad ones! But, there are still some moments....where the longing to hold his hand and kiss his cheek tugs at my heart so strongly....that is the part I don't think will ever change.
I had a really hard time on the "anniversary" of his death this year. I constantly was reliving the day he died and the pain and agony we felt, but a sweet friend gently reminded me how much life he lived before that day. So, I've been focusing on the "good" years.....not that there weren't good moments during his last years but he lived a whole life of them before he ever got cancer! Since that day I've been making a list of every memory I have of my dad....specific stories, funny moments, favorite times together. Not just for me, but to be able to tell my kids all about him! I've begun sharing the stories with them and they giggle and laugh about them and in a way I feel like it gives them more memories of him...even if they are mine.
So, today, on what would've been my dad's 58th birthday, I celebrate the life he lived....the WHOLE life! I know he is loving being with Jesus and wouldn't come back if he could. I am beyond grateful that one day I WILL hold his hand again and kiss his cheek! Until then.....I will remember all that he taught me and the great Christian man he was!
Daddy,
Happy birthday to the most amazing man I know! Thank you so much for always being a giver....giving us life, love, prayers, encouragement, and discipline. Thank you for never giving up on me and always believing in me! Thank you for the chocolate chip pancakes and the notes in my school lunches...for teaching me how to drive and taking me to fly an airplane on my 16th birthday! Thank you for teaching me what being a true friend really is and how important a relationship with Christ is! Thank you for fighting to the very end...because you loved us! I know you are celebrating with the King of Kings and loving every minute of it! So, I will fulfill the only thing you asked of us and I promise I will meet you there! I love you, Daddy!
-Ang
Here are some of my favorite moments of Daddy!
So many GREAT memories! I'm so thankful!
Oh, sweet friend. I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how hard it would be to be in your shoes. He sounds like he really was an amazing, wonderful man. Your letter to him made me cry. I am so touched by your post. I love you.
ReplyDeleteIt is 1 am here. I should be sleeping. Instead, I thought I would read through my blogs real quick. And now I am crying. Hugs to you! Love you and miss you terribly. We talk about you almost everyday-K walks by her old room every week and says "that is Mrs. Angela's room."
ReplyDelete